This girl is more easily done than said...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
