Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
