i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
this just has baby written all over it
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
