I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We have started to decorate penises.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
