I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
