she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
How external is "for external use only"?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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