So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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