At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
