Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
