i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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