i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
