Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We left an ass print on the piano.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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