Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
