I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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