Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
