I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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