How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
