if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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