TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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