I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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