How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He kissed a someone with a penis
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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