apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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