Me too!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
