somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize