Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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