I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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