I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
