WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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