She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
