she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
