Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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