her vagina looked like bernie madoff
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
