the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
