There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize