just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
