you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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