If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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