Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize