porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Drunk is not a location!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
