I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
