I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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