Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
