The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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