apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
