I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
