Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
