I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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