Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
