If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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