if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She's JV to your varsity
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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