I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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