i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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