ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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