we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
