Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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