I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I love you. Go after that dick
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize