I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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