Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
