I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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