She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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