So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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