Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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