someone get that fucking seahorse.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
