New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
