my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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