It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
