there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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