I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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