barbara walters just said penis...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
