I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
