We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
