I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
