Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize