We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
