Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
