So drunk its hurt
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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