so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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