There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
