Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Congratulations! We have a period
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