I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
