last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
