You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
