can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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