I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
