remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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