he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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