My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
