??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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