I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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