I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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