were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
