Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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