I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
