do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
