Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
